Adrift

I bob gently, up and down,
nauseous and yet not.
Seldom does panic desert me,
the way to the shore, lost.

While i try to ponder and decide,
is it murder or suicide?
To waste your life as it goes by,
Always shrinking and shirking,
from a burden only you can feel.

Not an anchor on whom to fix,
my empty reserves of prayers. Bliss
which teases and never comes,
into my arms, efforts undone.

Am i alive? Am i dead?
Not a feeling left in my head.
A heart that pumps a blood so cold,
freezes love and blackens gold.

Where is the rope that will bind,
a person to what they hope to find?
What is this elusive hunger to live?
A shoulder to lend, a hand to give?

The kingdom of life, a paradise, an island,
on the ocean of eternal sleep.
As i bob up and down, i slowly part,
with all the memories that i keep.

The temples of Beauty, Love and Lust,
Affection, Sympathy, Hope and Trust.
Their flames burn a bright farewell, to those who travel
ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

The silent sea all around me,
frothing and never still.
Impatient to claim me for itself,
moving in for the kill.

No regrets or unfulfilled wishes,
Stilled ambitions, lost kisses.
No remaining ties to my world,
nothing of note to remind.

As i bob up and down, I duck and sink
and leave the living world behind.