The Great Game Resumes

Well, i am taking a break from all the rhyming and indulging my verses for once. A recharge as it were, for regular prose, lest i forget how to compose it.

I recall a quote i read somewhere, which said " Politicians are bullies who never grew up and Politics remains an extension of playground warfare". Which just about sums up my feelings as i read about Chinese incursions into Indian territory.

I have tremendous respect for the men and women in uniform, who stay awake so that we may sleep. The armed forces always command a sense of respect and gratitude in India. But their masters, our ministers seldom do so.

Far too often, our politics has used the might of our army for public display and bragging purposes. Remember the year long standoff that India and Pakistan indulged in, post the attacks on the Parliament? What purpose did that action serve, besides keeping soldiers on both sides on high alert, with tensed nerves? I can't stay in a nervous state for more than five minutes, so imagine what 13 months of "High Alert" mode can do to a person.

Those who bay for the blood of their enemies, all in the name of "national honor and pride" are seldom the ones facing enemy fire in the battlefield. It is this disconnect between the glamour and horrors of war, that result in inexplicable delays in procurement of equipment, revision of pay, and upgrade in post retirement benefits. While the babus themselves are busy in increasing their salaries and extending the reach of benefits doled out to them.

As far as Chinese incursions go, my gut feeling is that the Chinese authorities are playing mind games with our leadership, to gauge their reaction levels. In today's world, apart from USA, no country has the sanction to invade another in the name of "liberation and spread of democracy". But what can be tested, is the reaction times of foreign armies, as well as the strength(or the lack of) of their intelligence network. Officialese notwithstanding, the People's Army can add another feather into it's cap, with two successful exercises of incursions into hostile territories.

This "Bluff" game has made the Centre nervous and left them high strung. While our ministers spend their time in drafting the expression of outrage, General Ping and his boys must be patting themselves in the back, over a job well done. The scars of the lost war may have healed, but the wound festers within.

Hindi Chini Bhai Bhai. Just like the Ambanis.

It Starts!

Here we go. That was my first reaction while reading the sports columns this last week. 

While most of the focus was dedicated to Ricky Ponting’s post tea bowling options, I thought was more remarkable was the unanimity with which every cricket pundit worth his salt was busy moaning what they called was the list rites for test cricket.

Before I put in my two fils worth on that issue, let me first congratulate fellow Jharkhand leader MS Dhoni, who so inspired Peter Roebuck, that the one time reliable journalist wrote the sort of prose that besotted kids write about their favorite actress, before grammar and shame grab them in a vice like grip thereafter.

I mean, despite writing in a previous article that “India had stooped to win the Nagpur test”, Roebuck later called Dhoni “an Obama in White”. Which ranks amongst the most moronic statements of all time.

Kudos to Dhoni for boldly challenging the aussies where no one threw the gauntlet down at them before. It takes a hell lot of guts to throw etiquette out of the window and stifle the run rate with an 8-1 field. Pure genius, a move that the usually aggressive kangaroos couldn’t find an answer too.

But lest anyone start celebrating our team’s so called rise to the top, just remember that the same team lost badly to the Lankans not too long ago. And if you would like to point out that punter’s men haven’t recovered from the retirement of warne, langer, mc grath, martyn and gilchrist, don’t be too smug but we’ll pretty much face the same situation in two years time, when laxman and dravid retire. And your grandchildren will face the same when sachin retires.

Moving onto the main topic, it amazes me to see how no one saw the Nagpur test for what it was. A gritty long drawn battle of wills and test of patience. Gripping stuff that only test cricket can provide. Anyone can slog their willow to register half centuries when you only need to stay on for 20 overs. Harbhajan’s two half centuries are a perfect example. But from personal experience (which amounts to the longest stay at the crease- clocked in 3 overs before being bowled u know), staying at the wicket and seeing the opposition off is the greatest exam for a batsman.

Sure, there weren’t too many crowds at the test matches. This is right around the time when half yearly exams rear their ugly head. The time when post diwali, working people realize that their bank balance resembles a famine victim. And let’s be honest. With the state that most stadiums are in, where u inevitably focus on the electronic display to watch replays most of the time, watching matches from home is a much better option anyday.

Well, we got the poms who are still smarting over the Stanford gate and we can look forward to seeing Kevin Petersen come up with 10 new ways of saying that defeats don’t matter much.

Post that, crossing my fingers and hoping that the indo pak series happens here in the uae where things should be much safer for both teams. Not to mention, where tickets could be easier to get also.  

to end things off, having watched the ICL extensively over the last few weeks, i have come to the ultimate conclusion, that unless Subhash Chandra invests more effort and money into getting better cheerleaders, Lalit Modi's brainchild will continue to get my 4 hours of attention. l0l

The Inconvenient Truth

well, the world has changed a lot since i last blogged.

Tina Fey blew the world away with a better Palin than Sarah.

Kim Jong II is trying desperately to prove to the world that he's still alive and kicking( or hasnt kicked the bucket).

i finally saw two programmes in HD that finally justified the promise that my LCD tv held, apart from being spectacular for gaming.

have spent 50 hours in Oblivion and have only finished 30 % of the game.

biggest whammy of all though, is that Obama won the race to the white house.

i'll admit, i was one of the skeptics who thought there was no way an african american would ever win the presidential ballot. 

i admired the guy ever since he decided to advertise on Burnout Paradise. more than his acceptance of internet donations, the burnout  decision proved to me that this was finally a 21st century candidate.

but that was always tempered with a realization that it didnt matter an iota what the world thought of him. what would matter is whether the american voting public would buy his message for change.

did they ever.

but while Obama basks in congratulations for a much deserved victory, New Delhi is rightly concerned. while the indian news media went gaga over O's victory, not ONE of them bothered to check his views and thoughts on matters pertaining to the subcontinent.

strange as it sounds, democratic presidents have never been good for India.

Obama is a guy who's against the following:

• he's gone on record saying he's against outsourcing and would like to introduce legislature that makes it financially inviable to move jobs offshore.
• He's also against increasing the number of H1B visas quota that industry giants like Microsoft have been clamoring for.
• Days into his election, he issued a statement saying that he was looking into placing Bill Clinton as an interlocutor between india and pakistan, to resume the stalled peace process
• he also represents the traditional Washington thinking that always hyphenates India Pakistan together, rather than deal with each seperately.

ironically, the greatest improvement in indo us relations after the 98 nuclear tests was reached when there were two right wing governments in respective centres.

the congress would like us believe that the whole deal was a personal endeavor for manmohan singh, but the truth is, the seeds and details were sown in by Jaswant singh and Robert mulford in the previous administrations.

Obama inherits an america that is being broken slowly in financial terms. good old companies like Ford and GM have announced they are on the verge of bankruptcy.

the 150 billion dollar bailout package that obama has proposed seems highly impractical. where's the money to put into this scheme, when america has spent more than a trillion dollars on needless warmongering?

in fact, the american press has proved more questioning of fairy tale packages, while the indian press largely ignored the 12000 crore bailout package that the government put into UTI when it crashed.

methinks that once the party is over and housecleaning begins in january, new delhi might be in for some nasty surprises.

trouble in the middle earth

havent heard much from the foreign ministry about america lately? wondering what the government is upto? well, i will let you in on a secret. it's no longer the 123 occupying manmohan singh's mind. it's the 300.

what 300?it all began, a not so long long time ago, in a not so far far away land. an immortal line in indian cinema goes - all we need is food clothing and shelter.

since india doesnt have the time to provide shelter to the hundreds of millions who sleep on the pavements( we provide open sky accommodation you see), housing was the first myth to go bust.

our country is so poverished, that we cant even afford decent clothing. anyone who disagrees is welcome to take a look at our hindi movies for the last 5 years.

of course the feminists will argue that it's a representation of repression, exploitation. dear sisters, please note that even the men submit themselves to the rationing of clothes. salman khan was the first to accommodate the producer's request.

why, even the biggest superstar, SRK, could not afford shirts for his home production om shanti om.. poor guy(pun intended) had to go shirtless, singing "dil mein mere hai dard e disco". you see, discos dont allow shirtless guys in, upper class snobs that they are.

back to the topic, with shelter and clothing been dispensed with, what was the one comfort we had? 

FOOD!!!!

for 6 decades, we ate like there was no tomorrow. for decades, our ancestors conducted genetic experiments, to allow us to naturally store more fats and cholesterol than other races.

we were into bio tech way ahead of anyone else you know. any wonder then, the only guy, who can make sense out of the whacked out genetics on heroes, is an indian?

the highest levels of diabetes and heart disease were a small side effect. nothing major at all.

but all this bliss would not last for long.

the wicked west, with it's health obsession, tummy tucks( the sworn enemy of a truly indian cultural product - the prosperous belly) and that evil word - DIET(close your ears!!!)

while we ate heartily, they starved naughtily. till one fine day, the white man decided to eat something for a change. but, rather mysteriously, no food grains could be found.

he looked high, he looked low. but all he could find were empty silos. 

so he said, let me buy some rice. a tonne to a dollar, would be so nice.

so imagine his surprise, when he found, that cheap grain, was no longer around.

in anger, did he look east, where he found the indians, having a feast!!

(i am so proud of myself for that impromptu rhyme. i take a bow, i take a vow)

well, that intelligent, rational and cautious gentleman called george w bush, could not restrain himself any longer..

he burst out- " the increasing appetite of the 300 million indian middle class, is the main cause for the global food crisis."

the manmohan government wont admit it, but it is quaking in it's boots. we all know what happens when you get W mad, dont we.. with the threat of an impending nuclear strike, the left threatened with a nationwide strike.

not to loose hope though. our bright ministers have a few arguments in their favor. 

for one, they will claim that we dont have 300 million middle class indians. we have 100 million rich ones, and the others. if you take away the number of bangladeshi immigrants, non marathi speaking mumbaikars, non gujrati voters, tamil speaking kannadigas, and those pesky NRIs, we only have 50 million others.

secondly, we are all into dieting. indians dont eat much you see. we are a culture that celebrates saving, not craving. our healthy politicians and police authorities are just exceptions to the rule.

plus, a lot of people starve in our country. we are very happy to parade them everytime richard gere and co decide to come here for a cultural experience. we proudly trumpet our poverty, our social failures to foreign bodies. just ask WHO or the world bank.

we dont have any rice for ourselves. from a surplus producer, we have transformed into an  export prohibiting society. in fact we are wondering if you could send RICE (condoleeza) here.

please dont nuke us. we will be happy to be your pawns, in the great south asian game to counter china.

the white house is yet to respond to these admittedly sensible arguements